Thursday, May 15, 2008

Who Is Pretty (and Matt's Top Five)

A constant quandary that seems to spring up in all sorts of discussion venues is the notion of the Top Five. If you're unfamiliar with this concept, it's the mostly-facetious list of five totally unattainable people that you'd really like to get with, and that your spouse/partner/significant other would actually allow if the opportunity presented itself. Generally, this is actors, musicians, or otherwise celebrities. Something like "the guy who brings our UPS packages" or "the girl two doors down" is against the spirit of the Top Five.

So who's in my Top Five? (Note that you're still allowed to have a Top Five even in the absence of a significant other.)

Ever since I've known that I liked girls, I've had a thing for Natalie Portman. I suspect that a lot of other Star Wars fanboys feel the same way. She seems to be fairly universally recognized, if not a member of a given man's Top Five, as a respectable choice nevertheless.

A tribute to Eva Longoria is that she made it socially acceptable for men to say they watch Desperate Housewives. "I dunno, my mom/sister/girlfriend/wife had it on." "Yeah, so leave the room." "Right, I was about to, then Eva Longoria came on." "Oh."

If she didn't want to be prominent on Top Five lists, then Kate Beckinsale should have stopped inserting herself into guy movies--and geek guy movies, at that. Underworld and its sequel, Van Helsing, and goodness knows what else have catapulted her into virtually all of my friends' Top Fives.

Now, for a bit of an unconventional turn, I'm going to go with Kristen Bell. I never watched Veronica Mars, nor have I gotten into Heroes even though I've been told time and time again that I'm supposed to. Oh, and she's a vegetarian, which is a little weird. But I'll let it slide.

Finally, if Kristen Bell is a little unconventional, Tina Fey blows convention out of the water. Her literate presence and sharp wit go a long way here. Granted, her Weekend Update interpretation didn't exactly top Norm MacDonald's, but whose did?

So what prompted this? Magazines like to push lists of people we're not as attractive as onto us. One recent choice offered as a cover shot was Kate Hudson. This got me thinking, "yes, good job magazine, this woman is legitimately attractive." Usually it's some crap like Angelina Jolie or Katherine Heigl. Now, let's talk a little about Angelina Jolie. During one outing where friends and colleagues were grilling me about my Top Five, someone (a girl) asked "so really, no Angelina Jolie? You don't think she's sexy?" To this, I honestly responded "no, she's more scary than sexy." And sorry, Ms. Heigl, a successful chick flick and a crappy primetime hospital drama does not earn you any respect.

Who else might make the list, given its expansion? Evangeline Lilly would be toward the top--coming from a diehard Lost fan, this should be no surprise. Keira Knightley has dropped several places now that she's looking more and more like a stick every day. The female half of the band Eisley should go without saying. Taking a Wikipedia trail from Kristen Bell -> Heroes -> Hayden Panettiere, she's now up there too. I like both Olivia Wilde and Jennifer Morrison from House, the second best show currently on television.

And now that it's socially acceptable, Emma Watson can join this list. An ending poll, fueled from countless conversations with my roommate last year: what's the youngest a woman can be before you'd feel creepy thinking she's attractive? Obviously, this doesn't apply to guys younger than 18. After 18, I think this is still a function of age, though less strongly. My personal opinion is 16, and I have reasoning to back that up: if she's old enough to go places by herself, she's fair game. My roommate (who, granted, is a year and a half younger than I am) says 15, while our friend and fellow PL Alex says 17. His roommate Jeff says 12, though he's kidding. Hopefully.

Currently listening: "So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright," Simon and Garfunkel


Anonymous said...

haha I was reading your list and I was like "Did he give up his crush on Emma Watson?"

I was delighted to see that you haven't.

I actually thing Angelina Jolie is gorgeous. I have no problems admitting that I'm totally attracted to her. Why do you think she's scary?

Matt Pavlovich said...

Billy Bob Thornton's blood in a vial around her neck goes a long way. Also, if you need collagen injected into your lips, that's grounds for Top Five exclusion right there.

More than anything, it's just that I'm tired of hearing about her. You know, it just doesn't matter to me what ethnicity of baby she's adopting.

Anonymous said...

I don't think she actually has had collagen injected into her lips... I could be wrong, but it seems like that's one thing that everyone says about her that isn't true. I'll look it up.

I'll have to agree with you on your last point, but it does seem to be a bit of a non sequitor. What does her frequency in the news have to do with how attractive she is?

Matt Pavlovich said...

It's got nothing to do with how attractive she is, it just makes me like her less all around. Probably a reason to be biased against her, or something like that.